After months and months of trying to get Abbie’s tear duct to open, Allie and I finally had to deal with the necessary idea that our daughter needed surgery. From what we understood, if we were to not operate, the clogged duct can lead to a wide-variety of sinus complications well into adulthood. The best time to operate is when the child is young. The operation is a minor and routine outpatient procedure, but it requires general anesthesia, and that is where we became concerned. There is a chance of death when anesthesia is used, and albeit the chance is extremely small, it is still a chance.
The day came yesterday. Allie and I packed Abbie in the car at 5:30 am after a night of zero-sleep, and drove to the outpatient center in Pasadena. We had to wait for two hours, and during that time my mind just wandered and wandered: Is this going to be the last time? Is that her last laugh? Her last hug?
At 7:30 we were asked to come into the pre-op room with Abbie, where the nurses assured us that she would be okay. Suddenly, they grabbed her, and whisked her out of the room. As we watched her being carried away, she looked so confused, but also curious – where am I going Mom and Dad? She didn’t cry, which made it more surreal.
That moment absolutely crushed us, on so many levels: What if something happens? Is she scared? Are the doctors competent? Is this really necessary? But I think it resonated more deeply. For us, this milestone marked the first time that Allie and I realized that our daughter is her own person, an individual human being—who, for the briefest amount of time, would have to go through the procedure alone. It reminded us of death and life and all that is in between.
It reminded us how precious the gift of life is, what a miracle it is.
Ten minutes later, they called us back, and all we heard was Abbie’s screaming, and I JUMPED! YEAH! She’s ALIVE! Don’t laugh – that is how I felt. Allison grabbed her into her arms and breastfed Abbie for what seemed like an eternity. And as everyone told us, we were in the car within the hour of her surgery.
It was routine. It was simple. But not for us.
It caused reflection, and later appreciation and gratitude. We have a healthy beautiful baby girl. Other parents are faced with much more difficult challenges than a clogged tear duct. It reminded us once again how precious and fleeting life can be, and is. We are thankful and respectful.
When Abbie cries and screams it always seems to get on my nerves a bit. When I heard her crying after her surgery, it was the most beautiful sound in the world. I’ll never let her cries bother me again, at least that is my goal. I am only human after all, lucky to be here in this miracle called life.
Thank you Aberdeen. Thank you Allison. You are my family and I love you!
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megan - beautiful post, brian. i was right there with you. so glad all is well and that Abbie is doing fine now. thanks for sharing.
Steve Myer - A nice story, thanks for sharing. I’m glad everything went as planned and the doctors did a good job. Nice photo of her too.
Susan - Brian……
That was beautiful, it brought tears to my eyes. Of course i know it is very difficult for parents to hand over their children to us, but your description really drove the point home.
You are right. To us, it is simple, it is routine, but not to you guys.
Thanks for sharing. So often parents act tough in front of us (and their kids). It’s rare when a parent cries or shows emotion when we roll the bed away. Glad the surgery went well. She is really a gorgeous girl…and I can’t give all the credit to your photography!!!
Auntie Myra - My sweet Brian,
What a beautiful way you portrayed your love for Aberdeen. She and Allie are lucky to have you in their lives. As your family we have always known what a special child you were and it is so wonderful to see what an amazing man you have become!!!
As a mom who has had to take her children to hospitals I know the feeling you had of apprehension and how the nerves seem to bolt right through your body. I also know the elation you felt once you saw her and that everything was good. Bless you and Allison, Aberdeen and the new one on the way. I love you all!!
Auntie Myra
Nate Tico - Brian,
That’s a beautiful story. Way to go Aberdeen on being such a brave little lady.
I know I would be the same way if I have kids- worried a lot. It’s actually the main thing holding Rebecca and I back right now is the fear… but I hear the rewards make it worth it. Take care, Bro.
Nate
Erica - Wow. I am only 6 weeks into this whole motherhood gig and am dreading the possibility and inevitable reality of Ava being hurt one day. I know it will happen at least on some level, and Mark keeps reminding (preparing) me of this. Some friends of ours were traveling recently and their toddler started vomiting and passing out in the car seat. They had an ambulance meet them at an intersection in an unfamiliar town, which had to have only added to the panic. Their son was fine with some antibiotics but I thought to myself, how would I handle that situation? Hopefully with as much honesty and triumph as you had with Aberdeen’s experience. Thanks for sharing xo
Tammy Ash Perkins - Your post was amazing! I really connected to the part in which you said that you realized that your daughter was her own person, an individual human being, having to experience something on her own. I deeply understand what you mean and it makes me incredibly greatful that the 2 human beings that I gave birth to chose me as their mom. It is truly the greatest gifts that I have ever received. What a truly amazing journey life is…..How wonderful it is for Abbie to have such amazing parents. What a great story. Thank you for sharing.
Amy - What beautiful words to describe such an emotional experience. I’m so glad to hear Abbie made it through surgery just fine and that you had this experience to share together, to grow together, to realize how precious life is and to appreciate the moments you share. Thank you for sharing.
kelly - I just started to cry you guys and I am at work. I have to say I had two eye surgeries as a child and I was close to Abbie’s age. Your post made me reflect again on what it must ahve been like for my parents. Thanks for sharing!!!!